He never gets angry: where the anger we never voice goes to hide

Marc never gets angry. That is what everyone says about him, and he is rather proud of it. Yet his dentist has just prescribed a night guard: he clenches his teeth so hard he is wearing them down. Marc does not shout, does not slam doors, never raises his voice. His anger does not come out either. It stays.

Before being a frowned-upon emotion, anger is a territorial signal: something important has been shaken, a boundary has been crossed. The body then mobilises energy to defend it, at lightning speed. Heat, tension, a rising breath. When that energy is expressed cleanly, it passes. When it is swallowed, it does not cancel itself out: it looks for somewhere to lodge. Anger that is heard lasts a few minutes. Anger that is silenced can last for years, quietly, with rent paid every day in muscle tension.

Everyone has their own geography, but certain districts come up again and again:

• The jaws, clamping down on the words we do not say.
• The neck and shoulders, carrying everything we take without flinching.
• The stomach, knotting up when everything is swallowed, meal after meal.
• The breath, turning short and high, ready to contain rather than to live.

Over the years, this permanent tension takes its toll: fatigue, irritability that comes out at the wrong moment, at the wrong people, often those closest to us. The pressure cooker always ends up whistling somewhere. Many people also discover that their famous legendary calm has a price: that feeling of being a spectator of their own life, a little switched off, a little absent, even in the good moments.

Between holding everything in and smashing everything up, there is a third way: discharging through the body. The breath is the most direct release valve. Try this, alone, standing up: breathe in deeply through the nose, then breathe out hard through the mouth, with a sound, like an exaggerated sigh. Ten times. Shake out your arms, loosen your jaw. It is simple, almost childlike, and it is exactly what this energy needs: movement and a way out. If the sound embarrasses you, do it in your car: it is one of the best free-expression studios in existence.

Sometimes, today's anger is wired to yesterday's story: an old injustice, years of not being allowed to say no. The body remembers it better than memory does. In that case, targeted, short-term work can defuse the charge at its source: that is the terrain of brief therapy.

Keywords: repressed anger, anger in the body, repressed emotions, clenched jaws, somatisation, expressing your anger, emotional release